Dear Church,
Yesterday, we talked about what it means to bring Jesus into our homes. One of the passages we looked at was Colossians 3:20–21: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter (provoke) your children, or they will become discouraged.”
If you look carefully, Paul is speaking to both sides of the parent-child relationship. To children he says, “Obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” When children learn to respect godly authority in the home, they are also learning something important about their relationship with God. But notice something equally important. Paul does not speak only to the children. He immediately turns to the parents: “Fathers, do not provoke your children.”
Why? Because biblical authority is never permission to become harsh, controlling, angry, or unreasonable. Biblical Authority always carries responsibility. In fact, this is the pattern throughout this whole passage. Look at the previous verses: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Paul does not say, “Wives, submit,” and then permit husbands to dominate. He immediately places a responsibility on the husband: “Love your wife and do not be harsh with her.”
The same is true with parents and children. Paul does not simply say, “Children, obey,” and leave it there. He turns to the parents and says, in effect, “Be careful how you exercise the authority God has given you.” Parents can provoke or embitter their children through constant criticism, impossible expectations, harsh words, controlling behavior, unforgiveness, comparisons, or by making a child feel that nothing they do will ever be good enough. Sometimes we look at a child’s behavior and ask, “Why are they acting this way?” But Scripture also invites us as parents to ask another question: “Is there anything in the way I am exercising authority that is discouraging their heart?” Paul tells us why these matters: “ …lest they become discouraged.”
A child who continually hears what is wrong with them, but rarely hears what is good in them, can eventually lose heart. They may begin to think, “Why even try? I’ll never be good enough.” That does not mean correction is unnecessary. But all of them must be surrounded by grace.
Our homes should therefore teach two truths at the same time: Children must learn to respect godly authority, because this pleases the Lord. And parents must learn to exercise authority like Jesus. So how did Jesus exercise authority? Jesus corrected without humiliating. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus confronted Peter, Martha, Thomas, James and John, and many others. He was never afraid to speak the truth or address what was wrong. But His goal was not embarrassment. His goal was restoration. That gives us an important question as parents. The question is not simply, “How do I make my child obey?” The better question is, “How do I correct my child in a way that also forms their heart?” Jesus shows us that godly authority can be firm without being harsh, and corrective without crushing the person being corrected. That is the healthy balance we need to strive for. That is the kind of authority that reflects the heart of Jesus.
Be Encouraged,
Mathews
